Open Wide

23 Mar

This was me 30 minutes ago.

There has to be a less traumatic way to have beautiful pearly whites than a twice a year visit to the deliverer of doom: the dentist.

I think I would rather go to a hundred doctors than have to go to one dentist.

It may be because I am biased and my mouth is exceptionally small (I’m like a science experiment), but my visit to the dentist today was like a bad trip through an episode of Lost. There were tools flying, agressive water and air action, fillings falling out, numb nose and eyes, a split lip, and a nick of the tongue (don’t worry I got a 10% discount for that one). Plus, when the dental hygienist takes it upon herself to fill one of the cavities, you know that you have left the land of quality and have entered sketchy. P.S. Some of those tools I’m 99% sure took a detour to the floor before making it to my teeth. Awesome.

Seriously it was like the Tasmanian Devil took a stroll through my mouth for two hours and then sent me on my delirious way… $500 poorer.

We are paying for torture!!! But why??!? What happens if you DON’T go to the dentist? Apparently everyone is too scared to try it except for your random homeless person, and it’s either the homelessness or lack of dentist visits that is causing their less than perfect appearance. And we all know that, thus providing enough fear for us non-homeless victims to plop down in “THE CHAIR” and take our chances.

I wish I was smarter because it would be my goal in life to eliminate the dentist all together.

Eating is totally over rated anyways, right? 😉


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