The Voice: “That’s What She Said”

7 Jun

Ok, so did you see The Voice tonight on NBC? It was the live shows in which viewers can vote. And I have so much to say.

I will make a list so it will be easier to keep up with my blabbering.

1) Christina Aguilera’s Makeup- Holy drag queen! I couldn’t see past her freakish paint job to listen to what she was saying or singing. And Paired with that (Ahhmmm) striking blue dress that was welded to her burgeoning boobs, I didn’t know if I was watching NBC or a Ringling Brothers back tent with a cover charge. 😉

2) Christina Aguilera’s Leather Shorts- Her ass isn’t that good for X & M style leather (pleather) hot pants paired with a metallic  jacket that kept making leathery noises every time she moved in her chair… or maybe it was the pants… or maybe it was her  frantically fluffing her extensions whenever possible… or maybe it was the pants…

3) Christina Aguilera’s spat with Adam Levine- Something about spoiling his jeans or something? Really weird. I hope they catch a real fight between the two because based on tonight’s’ manly appearance by her, it might be a good bout.

4) Adam Levine– Thank you for showing up.

5) Cee Lo’s Missing Glasses- Call 911 we need the sunglasses back stat! Whoever stole them should understand why.

6) Cee Lo’s Diamond Encrusted Pinky Ring– Baller… he has such weird hands they remind me of the penguin’s off of Batman Returns. Yeah I said it! But that ring just made it so classy… or distracting from other things…

7) Frenchie’s Spanx Showing– Come on stylist that is your job to keep the fat covered up in a completely elusive and magical manner. Spanx showing?? Dammit, the jig is up.

8) Frenchie’s Earrings Dangling So Low To Meet Her Boobs– Seriously it was a distracting meeting of the two.

9) Frenchie’s Head Sweat- It was more like all over globe sweat. It was dripping down her face and on her nose and I think Carson Daily flinched at its glittering scariness coming at him during their hug. Re-run time!

10) The Group Songs??- I think I would have rather had the coaches just sing together more or there needed to be more practice. It was awkward.

11) Xenia’s Flailing- The poor girl has a beautiful smile, but her waving her arms like she’s being chased by a chainsaw and singing chill-ly about money was really distracting…  left, left… right, right…

12) The Scottish Punk Look By The Lesbian- I can NEVER remember her name, but I know three things. I wouldn’t want to get in a fight with her. I wouldn’t want to get on a motorcycle with her. And I wouldn’t want to wear a red plaid skirt like her.

13) Dia- She better win.

14) The Rocker Dude Whose Name I Can Never Remember Either– Here’s a clue, lose the sparkly black ninja headband… it makes you look like a discount version of Brett Michaels and PS that’s never a good thing. Just take a tip from the other bald person on the show and wear a red Scottish plaid skirt. (See Above)

15) Blake Shelton’s “That’s What She Said” Joke On National Television– I’m not a fan of country, but I am liking him more and more and more and more…

If you don’t watch The Voice please disregard.

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3 Responses to “The Voice: “That’s What She Said””

  1. EB June 8, 2011 at 12:01 AM #

    Umm, I didn’t notice Cee-Lo’s ring but I’m pissed at myself for not noticing. Also, he does look weird without his glasses…inside…at night…i can’t believe I said that, but it’s true

    I LOVE DIA! but I equally love Sinya (or whatever her name is)

    yep, group performances sucks!!
    and god Christina….it’s a good thing she can still sing b/c ugh….

    I want to bone Adam as much as the next straight female…mmmmmm!

    • EB June 8, 2011 at 12:02 AM #

      that’s what she said (couldn’t help myself)

  2. EB June 8, 2011 at 11:23 AM #

    umm, YESS! i have nobody to share my funny/hateful observations with and I just know you would be perfect!

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