Wedding Woes and No No’s

8 Jun

So I’ve been going to weddings recently… because I’m at that age… and ’tis the season… and I don’t know if it’s because here in the midwest people are confused or if it is a general problem worldwide, but there are some things NOT to wear and NOT to do when attending weddings. Contrary to popular belief that anything goes… if the happy couple (or their mommy and daddy) are going to fork out an arm and a leg to feed you, entertain you, and (hopefully) get you drunk then for the love of GOD! please dress and act appropriately.

Rule One: NO JEANS- If you wear jeans to a wedding, I think there should be a rule like St. Patrick’s day and the color green that in the jeans case anyone and everyone can slap you across the face as hard as they possibly can… hopefully knocking those jeans off you or driving you out of the presence of the wedding. Dumbass. I kinda feel this way about church too. It’s a nice occasion put forth a little effort. It won’t kill anyone.

Rule Two: DO NOT WEAR WHITE- WTF are people doing wearing white to a wedding. This is a no-brainer… I thought… Here’s a tip: Go black. Everyone has black and it is the new chic color for weddings. I don’t care if it’s after Memorial Day and before Labor day, that’s a stupid rule anyways that I don’t suggest following, but it’s the bride’s one day (depending on her personal divorce rate) leave her be alone in white. I might impose the slapping rule for this as well.

Rule Three: NO TENNIS SHOES- There are no words. And don’t give me the “cool Converse” excuse either. Just say NO.

Rule Four: DO NOT MAKE AN OUTFIT CHANGE INTO SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE- I don’t care how loose you want to get on the dance floor. Casual clothes aren’t acceptable at the reception either! Suck it up.

Rule Five: DO NOT SKIP THE CEREMONY- How tacky can a person be?? I don’t care how “late” you are running. There is no excuse for not being punctual for anything much less something you have known about and RSVP’d at least a month ago… invest in a calendar or join the 21st century and get a smart phone with an alarm and set it an extra hour early if you can’t get your business together.

Rule Six: DON’T BLACK OUT- When there is alcohol involved the last thing your hosts want is you face planting in the cake, trying to make out with grandma, or giving them a strip tease. Keep it classy people.

Happy Wedding season!

Perhaps these rules do not apply here...


2 Responses to “Wedding Woes and No No’s”

  1. Erin June 8, 2011 at 3:12 PM #

    Great article. I LOVE this. Don’t forget to include “don’t bring anyone who wasn’t invited.” People seem to think that it’s appropriate to bring their little sister, nephew, neighbor, whoever–who the bride and groom have never met–despite the fact that only their name was on the invitation. Ugh.

  2. Ashley W June 8, 2011 at 3:57 PM #

    Love the picture. Reminds me of home.

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