Define “Single”

14 Sep

I feel like there needs to be more explicit relationship statuses on Facebook… and in life.

I mean yeah you are “in a relationship” or it can be “complicated”… but HOW complicated are we talking? And single… that can have many layers and many extra appendages… and people.

Let’s say you are single, but have a stalker ex-girlfriend that is fresh on your tail… and your new romance interests. I would consider that NOT single. More like “stalker single.” 

Or perhaps there is baby mama/papa drama… or just a baby… yeah, sure you are single every other weekend and alternating holidays…

Or maybe you used to be a prostitute and your pimp is a little too nosy. Or maybe you ARE the pimp… would we call this “pringle”??

How about you did some serious time and now have a real relationship with your parole officer… and an 8pm curfew? Is that called “community service single”? Or better yet “single in t-minus 200 hours” so we can better keep track?

Or what about if you are moving in 3 months… “I only want one thing because I am leaving soon single”? or more likely “I am moving sometime in the next 3 hours-30 years… I think… and I only want one thing single”?

Or what if someone has a herd of cats (like more than 2)… “Turn around and run single”?

Or they live with their parents… “ya… BTW… single”? 😉

These are all things that should be considered. Single isn’t just single these days. Maybe someone should write Mark Zuckerberg a letter regarding the relationship status-status quo. I’m sure he’s got tons of free time…


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