There is no “girl” in M-A-N

4 Nov

Why heellooooo " Mr. Incredible"

So I’ve been focusing a lot on dating recently. Probably because I haven’t been doing any of that lately… sooooo I’ve really had time to think about it. And also because it seems to be getting really bad the older I get… or the closer we get to Armageddon.

What is up with men being all girly in “courting” … I dunno what else to call it?? Cat and mouse game of constant texting and rare in-person encounters more like… but anyways… I’ve noticed a sincere change in all males… not just the ones I’m not interested in. 😉

It’s like they talk about their butts being too big and make jokes about how little they eat (which isn’t a joke BTW!! Get a knock-knock book or something!) or they create drama like “OMG I hate this place or this person sooo much” and just bitch and bitch and bitch about the same thing over and over and over. Or talk about how they are in such despair. What are you freaking Cinderella and you just lost your slipper?? I feel like I should have gone into counseling with an emphasis on catfights and bulimia. Someone pinch me! Either I’m becoming a hard ass, all the men are gay, or the straight men in the 21st century are getting a little soft.  

*Palm to face

If I wanted to hear about your daily weight or what you ate today, I would go find my most insecure girlfriend and have a lunch date consisting of lettuce and spring water… or I would just listen to the voices in my own head. So many voices.

Plus, they seem to like to throw in that their friends are trying to set them up on blind dates or that some “stupid” (their words) girl won’t stop texting them to see what kind of reaction they will get. Well let me tell you, that form of reverse psychology turns any girl on about as much as fishing in a mud swamp full of alligators with grit and dirt-paste sandwiches over candlelight would.

PS If I wanted to be jealous I would go hang out with my married friends (only the ones that are happy) where I don’t have to hear this lamenting because they are married. Game. Over. At least those dudes cook every once in a while and feel it guenuinely necessary to tell their wives they are pretty… and mean it… WHAT?!?

Get me some chest hair, some hiking boots, and a baritone- tone ASAP. This is not the world I want to be in.

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One Response to “There is no “girl” in M-A-N”

  1. Erin November 6, 2011 at 10:31 AM #

    omg. you are so funny.

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