You will be offended if you are Vegan. Look away.

5 Dec

What is up with the vegan/vegetarian population creating vegan meat options?? Hold on a second… go ahead and think about it……………………………………………………………………………….

………………………………………………………………..thinking……………………………………..

……..little more……………………………………………………………………………………………….

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

*facepalm

My concept of “vegan” is you jumped on the bandwagon and decided meat is NOT ok and you don’t agree with whatever about meat you don’t agree with. Which I’m totally cool with a person believing in whatever they want whether it be Barbie, Flash Dancing as a legitimate career, cake for breakfast, OR not eating certain things… but stop stealing the meat ideas! Stick to your nuts and dirt like a true conviction-ed victim.

If you are vegan/vegetarian, isn’t the whole point… that you don’t eat meat?? Not that you are ok with eating scientist created versions of meatballs and chicken patties… that are most likely going to provide a more direct path to cancerville… which leads me to a much more disturbing questions of WHAT exactly is vegan meat made out of??

 That was rhetorical…  I’m scared to ask. DON’T TELL ME.

Vegan meat sounds like something little girls would create in their easy bake ovens while pretending they are Martha Stewart (or Julia Child in “my all things PBS” inspired beginnings life) and all mom has in the cupboard that she will allow you to destroy is rice, cardboard, broken crayola’s with the paper still on, and craft glue. 

Does the interpretation of meat make you feel like you’re artistic?? It’s like saying well I don’t eat fruit, but I eat Runts. No. No. No. Let’s pick a side shall we. If you are against meat then leave it alone and don’t pretend. 

And if you aren’t vegan/vegetarian then welcome, the deliciousness iron  is waiting for you. You can’t be a wolf dressed in sheep’s clothing. That’s  hypocritical dishonest.

And let’s face it… vegan anything tastes a 100% worse than the real alternative. Yeah, I have tried vegan things…against my will… they remind me of the dried roly poly’s I ate when I was a child… or what I imagine Goldmember’s skin to taste like in the 3rd installment of Austin Powers.

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3 Responses to “You will be offended if you are Vegan. Look away.”

  1. the waiting December 5, 2011 at 4:17 PM #

    Hehehe I’ve always wondered the same thing.

  2. Sarah December 7, 2011 at 4:41 PM #

    It depends, but sometimes it’s made from tofu/soy and other times it’s made from microproteins from mushrooms. I don’t know all that much about it because, hey, I eat meat too! But that boyfriend of mine enjoys veggie burgers and fake sausages and they really are kind of delicious, whatever they’re made of!

  3. Erin December 18, 2011 at 9:15 PM #

    Amen, sister.

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