I hate you Tracy Anderson.

15 Dec

I think the only thing I hate more than exercising, is people who say they LIKE exercising.

I know that is a lie. EVERYONE would rather sit their ass on the couch and eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s… if afore-mentioned ass would promise to stay in the same spot until the day they die. Don’t lie.

Exercise enthusiasts who talk about how “fun” working out is and how they “can’t wait” to go to the gym bring about a sort of violence inside that makes me want to punch them in the face… three times… unexpectedly.

In the last few years the term “gravity” has taken on new meaning and I have tried my best to look away. However, it’s getting more clever with its prescence and I’m starting to become both nauseas and suicidal when I look in the mirror, dress, or cross my legs. Soooooo I went searching for something.

After half-hearted bouts on the treadmill and convincing myself that every piece of chocolate I eat CAN be zeroed out with 5-10 jumping jacks… and being bored out of my mind with this thing they call “yoga” I was determined to give up and start looking for my first cat.

BUT thankfully in my darkest hour I found the greatest woman alive and I would like to pick up an application to be her best friend.

Tracy Anderson.

She is Gwyneth Paltrow’s trainer… and anyone who says they wouldn’t want to look like her is a liar, too. Maybe, all three of us can be best friends?? Please say yes. I’ll be waiting for your rejection acceptance letter (think positive, think positive) to put in my ginormous pile of acceptance letters that I get everyday… 😉

After obtaining Tracy’s workout videos… watching a quick run through of them while sitting on the couch and eating Ben & Jerry’s… I decided I could POSSIBLY do that.

And I can! And I did. And I like it! Whaaaaaaa…. the world is definitely ending soon.

The mat video is my favorite. Not only is Tracy pretty to look at, she doesn’t talk a lot (which is BIG in my book), you don’t need a lot of fancy equipment, you can watch TV simultaneously, and it hurts like hell.

I hate her, but I really love her… and so does my ass… because it has decided to fit in those “skinny” jeans I was planning a burning service for and move up a couple of levels to join the rest of the world.

The cardio video is another story… it initially made me want to cry and call my old best friends B & J, but I persevered and realized I am not a dancer, never will be, and just imitating her is WAYYYY less frustrating than pretending I know what this thing called “choreography” is and that it should be a part of my uncoordinated existence. It shouldn’t.

Either way! Everyone should try Tracy’s videos out (be a hella of a Christmas gift)… and be impressed with the transformation… and thank me later.


One Response to “I hate you Tracy Anderson.”

  1. k Elizabeth December 15, 2011 at 12:47 PM #

    Just wanted to say that this made me laugh — thank you! 😀 Also, I’ll think about the vids . . . but will prolly end up on the cough. *cough*

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