Go Lesbians.

12 Mar

After 10 weeks of awesomenes in Spain. ruts were hit this weekend causing me to miss home.

Gasp.

I didn’t think it could happen, but I miss America with a fiery vengeance.

*EXCEPT for the insane politics that are leading up to the next election which make me want to become permanently Canadian and  flee the possible second civil war and the white trash habitants that weigh over 356 lbs.

Just to be clear.

Sometimes a girl just wants to talk. After weeks of broken English, endless frustration, and many flailing calories burned by Nahum. My spanish is about where it was when my ship landed in Spain 10 weeks ago. I have a friend that speaks the king’s English but that shit is cray! Most of the time I think she’s making up words and calling them English. I just wanna bitch about something vocally. This hasn’t happened in some time. I’m not a talker. But man a complete sentence in American would be muy muy bueno. I must be sick or something.

Men. I NEVER thought these words would be coming out of my mouth. But American men are REALLY nice… ahhem in comparison… the bell curve isn’t really peaking by any means.) I will not take them for granted in the future… Ok, ok… I will TRY not to take them for granted in the future. In Spain the men play games similar to chess. Meaning I know neither the rules, where the board is, or what pieces we are using. But I do know that in the end they are king and it’s check mate for you no matter how you play your cards. Best just to surrender and become a lesbian… or nun.

Tricky bastards.

My mom’s cooking. The worst thing about me is my lack of attention to detail. This skill would have been a good one BEFORE I food poisoned myself. However, this also exemplifies my skills at magic. Because I food poisoned myself with pasta. Ta-Da! Skillz. (To be fair apparently the vegetables I bought had shrimp in them. Note to self shrimp in the Spanish language = gambas. And they need to be cooked throughly… or just avoided altogether.)

Nothing makes you want to kill yourself quicker than a bout of strong, self-inflicted, food poisoning. Check mate.

Internet. I JUST WANT TO SEE THE SNL SKIT OF THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF DISNEY!!!! It’s super frustrating that no American sites work outside the States. But rest assured they are all working on becoming available in my area. Good to know Hulu, NBC, ABC, some things on YouTube, and Pandora. Check mate my ass.

PS i’d kill for some Smoothie King and a Redbox.

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One Response to “Go Lesbians.”

  1. Samantha Francka (@sam_a_lama_) March 12, 2012 at 10:21 AM #

    Smoothie King is no more, so you can stop missing that. It makes me SAD.

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