Shit Goes Down.

28 Mar

So I’ve been a lot of places and seen a lot of things. My morning commute today was one for the books.

Barely awake, rushing to my last Spanish class (thankthelord), and looking for any one of the million Starbucks without a line out the door, I encountered the definition of HORRIFIC.

I was on Gran Via… a street similar to Broadway in New York City… when shit went down. And when I say shit went down, I mean in the most literal of all senses. I’m doing my morning Pac-Man zig-zag through the masses and during my zag I look to the right in anticipation of coffee and see a homeless man.

A homeless man pulling down his pants.

Ok this isn’t as shocking to me… that stuff happens more often than you would think… I was just really thankful he had on pants at all… but then came the sound of his shit hitting the pavement… and it was juicy. Killmenow. I have never before wished my Mary Poppins carpet-bag contained a full size ceramic toilet and an entire package of double roll 100,000 ply Charmin more.

WE AREN’T IN CHINA! I once saw a woman holding her child over a trash can in Beijing while he… did his business. Oh what I wouldn’t give to go back to that simpler time.

Today was much more traumitizing.

Can’t you at least find a park or a deserted ally to do your business…not in center city in front of Burger King and the rest of normal society BEFORE I’ve had my freaking coffee!!

Toto, we aren’t in Kansas anymore.

I’m gonna go throw up, need a therapist, and need to figure out a way to invent a pocket-sized port-a-potty for future encounters.

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