Hey Girl Heyyyyyyyy

13 Jun

I don’t…. I don’t… I just really don’t get these Ryan Gosling “Hey Girl” things that have taken over the web.

Yeah, I get that he’s hot… I get that ’cause I’m neither blind nor suffering from lesbianism… and he’s desirable,,, and beautiful… and perfect…. and “apparently” he’s sensitive… which I don’t understand who cares about that besides Eva Mendes (lucky bitch) and his mother.

Maybe I’m just too dense to get what most of them mean…. wouldn’t be the first time something went over my head… or though it.

Maybe I’m too busy looking at the pictures… cause let’s face it… the man photographs slightly better than chopped liver…but only slightly. 😉

But all the things he says in those posters are NOTHING I would ever wanna hear…  If you were within 100 miles of Ryan Gosling I’m pretty positive noone would be talking about attending craft fairs or discussing the difference between types of scissors or Pinterest projects that girls dream they could execute past the 3 second pin job on their lunch break.

First, you’d have to peel my skin off of his skin; second,  wipe the drool off my mouth; and lastly, carry me to the nearest smelling salts.

I don’t even get what half the references are to begin with, but perhaps that’s my lack of crafting knowledge, my hatred for discussing the food pyramid, or just the fact that who wants a dude as awesome as Ryan to be pussified into a female version of prince charming?

No, thank you.

I’ll take him quiet… quieter the better… and manly.

And if I ever do encounter Ryan and his first words start with “hey girl” … they better be followed by “I want to have your babies” … NOT “I bet I can guess your favorite color of fabric for throw pillows.”

And then finally he should serenede me with some sort of string instrument.. after the smelling salts have kicked in. Duh.

What the……??????

???

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One Response to “Hey Girl Heyyyyyyyy”

  1. JT June 14, 2012 at 12:02 AM #

    That last picture of Ryan makes him look all buggery-eyed like a goldfish or something.

    And all these things aside, you’d totally still bang him. Duh. Just gag him if he starts any of that “Hey, girl,” nonsense.

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