Paging Dr. “Ride her”

13 Jun

So for the past several weeks I have been crippled with the disease called “culture shock.” This disease brings about a sort of inner contempt that is nicely coupled with depression and a lack of living. It’s sort of like the perfect storm of daddy issues, no clothes, and an extensive amount of dollar bills that you can find in your local strip club… No bueno… both of these perfect storms work out in the end to make one find themselves lying on the floor, hugging yourself, and listening to as many renditions as can be found of Joni Mitchell songs… whilst weeping.

 Fortunately for you …I’m over it …and my spunk for hating life is back in rare form. 😉

 After getting over my initial shock of Missouri taking on a unique abundance of meth heads similar to what I would consider the equivalent of a zombie apocalypse; the overwhelming weight issues in America and coming off my carb high, detoxing from the overwhelming cravings of entire loaves of bread (my precious….); and catching up with the appropriate amount of celebrity gossip to keep my ADD at bay… I have had one focus…

…my increasingly overwhelming skepticism for higher education.

I like school, always have been good at school, always respected educators, and have always found as many possible ways to work the system and remain successful in it.

Least work with greatest rewards= my motto… in EVERYTHING.

But NOOWWWWW these people are going to let ME get my PHD… AND pay me for it… AND eventually let me teach others.

 Hold on one second.

When did I become an expert on anything??!?

The only thing I’ve ever been and expert at is bitching and spending money.

And NOW they’re gonna let others pay money to hear what I have to say?!?! The world is ending very soon and I’m guessing it’s ending before I have the piece of paper that lets me put DR. in front of my name, allowing others to assume I know what I’m talking about.

Either way, I’m going to take the money and run… run right into an excellent pay scale and awesome work schedule. Thank YOU America.

Also side note… gonna have to figure out a name change before this degree is earned, because putting Dr.  in front of my last name catapults me to expert…as well as porn star.

*Insert facepalm

Dr. Reiter (“ride her”) is taking suggestions starting now.


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