You want me to put that needle where?

19 Jun

When did plastic surgery become a thing that people to the right of California would have to worry about?

 I don’t feel that old… yet… but amongst my friends, I think I was the only one shocked when a botox birthday party came on the menu??

Hold on one second. At near…. Ahhhheeemmmm 27….. I just bought my first bout of anti-wrinkle cream … and use it like I’m a tender 45-year -old –Bravo-housewife burn victim.

And yes, I’m comfortable with that.

I was sure I had at least a decade until needles and Meg Ryan dreams were involved in my daily routine.

I don’t do needles… hence why I don’t have tattoos or attempt to save lives by giving blood and plasma (know, I know… I would really just be doing it for the $$… you caught me).  I was hoping for at least another two decades for some Mark Zuckerburg-type to invent a permanent 21-year-old hologram to go parading around in my place once I found that hill everyone is talking about … and trip over it.

Plus, when did it become fun to have a birthday party where everyone gets stabbed on purpose?? I think I would rather join the cast of Saw 56 and just be pushed into a vat of syringes.

Is there a certain age that women can look to start maintaining their beauty? Have we all lost our minds and are wrinkles before the age of 30 “white girl problem” #6,000,005.3?

 Or is there really something graceful about taking age as it is… finding ourselves caking on the makeup and dying from over face hydration and whatever cancer is in anti-wrinkle cream and homemade face masks made of mayonnaise and foot smell…

…or possibly the answer is just committing suicide when the first crow’s feet pop up to say good morning.

Invitations for my debut botox party are already in the mail.  

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