“I Do.” P.S. Are you gay?

7 Nov

Have you ever heard the expression “Where have all the good men gone?”

Well I’ll tell ya where they went.

They went gay.

If you want a guy that cares, is crafty, and dresses like he intended to put that on his body, you gotta start looking over the fence at that other, well-trimmed  grass.

However, if you aren’t willing to undergo a full sex change, what does this mean for a single heterosexual girl??

It means nothing good can come from this.

Have you ever seen that movie Friends With Money? You know the creepy one with Jennifer Aniston who plays a maid and ends up with a fat agoraphopic. (what Paula Deen had BEFORE the diabeetus) WELL anyways, her friend played by Frances McDormand was a HOT MESS… and she was married to a very feminine man who her friends thought was gay and talked shit about their relationship all the time.


*Yeah, I know this means I’m narcissistic.

If you play your cards right, one should only be married four to five times… MAX. 😉 But what if you pick wrong and end up sexless and laughed at behind your back your entire life cause your gaydar leaned a little too far to the left and you walked down the aisle to Liza Minnelli instead of pomp and circumstance and you were ecstatic he was just a little metro sexual… or European?


There are several plusses, however, if you end up with a gay like… like I’m sure they ‘re good at laundry and helping you decide what to wear and what tile to use for your remodeled bathroom. But in the current generation where sexual preference is something you have to specifically choose to come out of the closet with and not come out straight out of the vagina with your declaration of fabulousness,  how, as single women who appreciate the finer things in life, ensure that we are picking the right penises for our team?

And how do we not have a mental meltdown during the process?


2 Responses to ““I Do.” P.S. Are you gay?”

  1. egointhesea November 7, 2012 at 4:05 PM #

    How is a woman supposed to know if the guy she’s marrying is gay? I don’t think it matters, as long as she’s getting laid regularly, lol. Who cares if he likes guys? As long as he can put it down when she wants it, everybody wins. (And who knows, maybe they can spice it up for her by bringing another guy into the equation? 😀 )

  2. Anonymous November 30, 2012 at 3:15 PM #

    Well, Lauren, after reading most of your posts from Jun 15 till Nov 7 I was inspired to say,
    Louise, she’s not in Kansas anymore., but then I realized Oh ya, she IS in Kansas. God has a bizarre sense of Humor, doesn’t He?
    Aunt Gail

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