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I AM Darth Vader… In my dreams.

28 Oct

So if you have an Iphone (you are a genius) or a Droid (eh, you’re ok too). But then you know about the power of the App revolution and how it can change your life (or control your life.) One of the most life changing of all the Apps due to my personal and completely irrational fear of ACTUALLY speaking directly to people is Heytell (which I think has only been available on the IPhone’s and Droids). Basically it’s like voice texting… or a walkie talkie of sorts… and you can even partake internationally. I know. AHHHMazing!

But I would like to take it a step further.

Be prepared to be blown away and for the love of all that is techie… please steal my awesome idea and make this happen…or if it already exists I need the details!!

I think that for the Heytell app there needs to be a voice setting. This could also be applicable to the voice recording option to create lists and remind yourself of things and possibly the alarm clock.

When I say voice setting, I don’t mean a stupid voice setting…. like where you can make yourself sound like your average run-of-the-mill serial killer similar to in the Scream neverending franchise, or baby talk, or valley girl, or ANYTHING stupid and completely predictable like that.

I mean I want the Darth Vader voice option to say “Man, Luke (insert real friends name…unless it really is Luke, which makes the whole concept even more awesome), wasn’t that a crazy night. I was wasted!” Or use the Stewie Griffith option to say “I am plotting your imminent death as we speak. I’ll keep you posted. Let’s go get dinner.” Or perhaps Eddie Murphy that says “Bitch we need milk!” Or have the Austin Powers setting to say “Groovy Baby. What are you gonna wear tonight?”

The possibilities are endless… the humor is infinite…my ideas should envoke someone to give me holiday pay.

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I wish I may, I wish I might.

18 Oct

Bitches

I broke down the other day and went against my hatred for Mandy Moore, singing in movies, and relating to little kids, and watched Tangled.

And the moral of the story is…

DON’T DO IT.

It was like a time machine that reverted me back to age of 5 where my biggest problem was how to break my addiction to eating insects (mmmm protein) and what color eyeshadow to put on my brother next. By the end of it I was sobbing. And found myself considering dropping everything in this so-called “reality” and start holding out for perfect long golden hair, a world without a need for shoes, a furry best friend who could talk back to me, and a prince charming that looks more like Ryan Gosling and less like Prince William. It worked for Rapunzel, Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty (I would pick her if I could be any… the girl looks REST-TED!), Jasmine, Pocahontas… the list goes on and on…so, why can’t it be me??

As young girls we SERIOUSLY believe these things can happen. Hello tragedy. It is taught at a young age… by a man no less (he goes by the name Disney. Walt Disney.)… that these things are not only possible, but can and should be expected. Ok, you hate your life, so you sit there and hope something awesome and magical will happen simultaneously with the birds chirping and the wind blowing through your dishwater blonde hair… or perhaps that dead opossum your mom just hit with her 1985 Lumina will magically spring back to life and join you in your favorite duet and dance off, taking your mind off the crap that has sent you to this hopeful/desperate place to begin with. This is not so. And at 26, reverting back to the desire of what once was real, sent me into an emotional tailspin.

And made me realize…

How can we be doing this to young girls?!? What an ultimate set-up.

One of my friends was discussing that she wants to write children’s books that go against these concepts that discuss the reality of relationships, hair… and forest creatures. And I am all for this concept. I’m not a feminist , but I believe in the conviction to be able to take care of yourself to an extent that dreams can come true and that those dreams are full of passion and compassion. 

There needs to be more reality in a world where most things are not perfect…EVER. Providing girls with the tools to support themselves, be independent, and think in a sincere and firm fashion is what I would want for my daughters. (As well as knowing two languages and have the skills to cook things that don’t come from a box.)

A man is not a necessity, a good head of hair is pure luck, and talking critters is… something the scientists had better be working on.

Best Halloween EVER!

12 Oct

So this year Halloween is going to be extra special!! I feel like a ten-year old ready to break out the pillowcase and start my endless collection of chocolate and sugar rushes. Not because I am going to attempt to outdo my freaking AWESOME shark costume (that I MADE, That’s right just call me Martha from now on.) from last year. But because Johnny Depp and Hunter S. Thompson will be directly involved in my plans. Yes, it’s true.  I have a date! And I’m considering bringing my costume to the premiere. Holy trifecta of amazing.  

October 28th is definitely going to change my life.

Helllooooo Halloween Weekend. You could not come soon enough.

TRAILER

Jonah Hill: Not Skinny on the Laughs.

22 Sep

So move over Leno and Letterman, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon is hands down the BEST late night show on TV. I may be biased because I have a MAJOR crush on Jimmy and would be the leader of the Jimmy Fallon groupie movement starting… yesterday.

But for reals, come on! He has The Roots as his Late Night Band, the best celebrity games, and incorporates all the techie stuff very fluidly into his funny. And last night was no exception to the highlarious with Jonah Hill as his guest.

If you didn’t see it… A few things…

1) Jonah Hill is still freaking hilarious even though there is only 1/3 of him left. I think he’s lost like 3 million lbs. Seriously 😉

2) Jonah was promoting Moneyball which looks really, really good… I may be biased because baseball is my sport of choice… Oh yeah, and in case you hadn’t heard, Brad Pitt is in it.

3) Jonah totally slammed Matthew Morrison (You know that stupid guy… from that stupid little diva producing show… Glee) in the funniest way possible. YES!

If you missed it last night be sure to check it out here. You can thank me later.

Muppets: Fashion Week is Seeing Fur

12 Sep

So I thought SpongeBob with his square pants (someone should tell him he looks like swiss cheese) and Dora the Explorer (“me speaka no Spanish!”) and freaking Justin Bieber were going to be my demise, but it seems that there’s a new player that’s being thrown late into the game…the Muppets… and their big comeback is going to be bigger than I hoped for… and now it is  starting to take over my closet. I hate it when that happens.

I’m all for the Muppets and super excited about the movie (wait… it is in 3-D right?!), and love Jason Segal, and additionally would love Kermit’s autograph if the opportunity presents itself… but now these furry friends are taking over fashion week and even have a new line of nail color for OPI.

The world is definitely on its way out.

The Muppet line for OPI.

Plus, get ready for fur on your feet. The Muppet inspired look is no longer for the bedroom according to the ongoing Fashion Week runways. To see what I mean go here.

Goodbye K. Stew. Hello T. Palm?

25 Aug

I have solved the problem. If you hate Kristen Stewart raise your hand…. If you agree (which should be everyone!), listen up.

FYI (sssshhhocking 😉 )I hate Kristen Stewart something about her weird breathing, 24/7 bedroom hair that she flips around and flings in her face, and constant look of marijuana induced high eyes paired with the inability to smile that just rub me the wrong way. Not to mention anytime she talks it’s pretentious and way in depth regarding her “craft” …her love of the “craft” …that must be why she’s a bitch?? Whatever.

BUT good news! I found her doppleganger (but blonde) and she seems slightly WAY cooler. Helloooo Teresa Palmer. You may remember her from Take Me Home Tonight, starring Topher Grace, Anna Faris, and Chris Pratt (the hilarious dude from Parks and Rec as well as Faris’ real life husband). Anyways, this Teresa chick is way cuter and seems a little more… lively.

It’s not too late Twilight and Robert Pattinson!

Take Me Home Tonight Trailer

Popcorn and Candy: Wild Target

19 Aug

So I love Emily Blunt. And I love quirky movies. And I love the UK. And I ESPECIALLY love a good movie wardrobe. If you agree, then rent Wild Target. It is super cute and Emily Blunt’s character’s clothes in the movie are ADORABLE. Probably the best I have ever seen in a movie.

Bill Nighy also co-stars (you may remember him as the crazy washed out pop star in Love Actually.)

Also, if you are a Harry Potter fan Rupert Grint makes his first post-Potter appearance and I was pleased.

PS Check out Emily’s nail polish. 😉 … And then re-read my Silver Lining  post.

Popcorn and Candy: Straw Dogs

9 Aug

I’m not a fan of super scary, sorta scary, or slightly scary movies… I have a very vivid imagination… and I think if a movie can be about something, then either a sadistic person thought of it, or it happened somewhere, sometime.

Buuuuut it’s Eric from True Blood… on the big screen… yes please.

AND I really like Kate Bosworth. I dunno why… oh yeah, cause she has awesome style and I wouldn’t mind looking like her when I grow up… 😉

See you September 16.

Netflix Schmetflix

12 Jul

Well it has happened…no not the end of the world, but similar… Netflix has created a genius and dominant force in the movie renting business and now prices are going up. Booooo (…unless you are Blockbuster).

You used to get all the instant streaming you could ever handle. But NOOOOWWWW “The Man” has decided to step in and weild his evil pricing sword.

Starting in September all the plans will change… change for the pricier version of course. Instead of getting unlimited DVD’s in addition to streaming movies from your favorite Xbox, TV, computer or smart phone, you will now get what you pay for.

What happened to being grandfathered in?? I’ve had Netflix for a few years now don’t I get any credit for being a loyal customer? (BTW thank you AT & T for allowing me to keep my unlimited media package.)

So for example now streaming will  cost $7.99 AND a one DVD at a time unlimited will cost $7.99 (it used to be $9.99 for both). Bringing the monthly total up $5. Bummer.

NOW we are gonna have to make the painful decision between the two… maybe some of us are that broke…

Why can’t a good thing ever last?

Next there will be a charge for their app. (I called it first!)

To see all the price changing details.

Blue Steel Anyone?

30 Jun

Ever since I can remember I have been envious of anyone who has good bone structure. Unfortunately, I was blessed with a squishyish face. However it is in my genes somewhere! My mother is one of the prettiest women I have met and apparently (so I hear) I wasn’t even a twinkle in the universe’s eye  for her glory days pre-childbirth. Aren’t all days glorious pre-children??

Anyways, Ever since I was about 12 I felt like I had excess baby fat weighing down my life and I keep crossing my fingers I’ll pull a Drew Barrymore and lose it in my 30’s… I’ll keep you posted.

Additionally, for much of childhood I was obsessed with Little Women and specifically the character Amy. Which if you aren’t familiar with the movie, Amy was a genius and had the idea to wear clothes pins over her nose in order to shape it to the desirable form. So in my own genius form from about the age 13 to….present…. I decided to obtain my most wanted cheekbones through excess straw usage and fish face making whenever possible. (And trust me I make a mean fish face.)

I don’t know if my cheekbones will ever really make their debut and I’ve completeley given up on a jawbone somewhere in between Ben Stiller’s in Zoolander and Bethenny Frankel’s… but there’s still my 30’s. 😉  

However, if you feel my pain here is the best makeup tip for that chisled cheek look.

1) Use a bronzer that’s two shades darker than your natural skin color.

2) Use a shade of blush that’s flattering to your skin tone but isn’t too much of a contrast to the bronzer.

3) Apply the bronzer: Using an angled blush brush, apply a small amount of  bronzer to the surface of the brush. Starting close to your ear, lightly apply the bronzer to the area underneath your natural cheekbone extending it in the direction of your mouth. Continue to extend the color down until you reach the middle of your cheek, following the natural curve of your cheekbone.

4) Apply blush: Use a separate angled brush to lightly apply blush to the apples of your cheeks. Blend the blush well to avoid any lines.

5) Apply a light coat of loose powder.

*Be aware of day vs. night lighting and lines.

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