Tag Archives: Blake Shelton

The Voice: “That’s What She Said”

7 Jun

Ok, so did you see The Voice tonight on NBC? It was the live shows in which viewers can vote. And I have so much to say.

I will make a list so it will be easier to keep up with my blabbering.

1) Christina Aguilera’s Makeup- Holy drag queen! I couldn’t see past her freakish paint job to listen to what she was saying or singing. And Paired with that (Ahhmmm) striking blue dress that was welded to her burgeoning boobs, I didn’t know if I was watching NBC or a Ringling Brothers back tent with a cover charge. ūüėČ

2) Christina Aguilera’s Leather Shorts- Her ass isn’t that good for X & M style leather (pleather) hot pants paired with a metallic¬† jacket that kept making leathery noises every time she moved in her chair… or maybe it was the pants… or maybe it was her¬† frantically fluffing her extensions whenever possible… or maybe it was the pants…

3) Christina Aguilera’s spat with Adam Levine- Something about spoiling his jeans or something? Really weird. I hope they catch a real fight between the two because based on tonight’s’ manly appearance by her, it might be a good bout.

4) Adam Levine– Thank you for showing up.

5) Cee Lo’s Missing Glasses- Call 911 we need the sunglasses back stat! Whoever stole them should understand why.

6) Cee Lo’s Diamond Encrusted Pinky Ring– Baller… he has such weird hands they remind me of the penguin’s off of Batman Returns. Yeah I said it! But that ring just made it so classy… or distracting from other things…

7) Frenchie’s Spanx Showing– Come on stylist that is your job to keep the fat covered up in a completely elusive and magical manner. Spanx showing?? Dammit, the jig is up.

8) Frenchie’s Earrings Dangling So Low To Meet Her Boobs– Seriously it was a distracting meeting of the two.

9) Frenchie’s Head Sweat- It was more like all over globe sweat. It was dripping down her face and on her nose and I think Carson Daily flinched at its glittering scariness coming at him during their hug. Re-run time!

10) The Group Songs??- I think I would have rather had the coaches just sing together more or there needed to be more practice. It was awkward.

11) Xenia’s Flailing- The poor girl has a beautiful smile, but her waving her arms like she’s being chased by a chainsaw and singing chill-ly about money was really distracting…¬† left, left… right, right…

12) The Scottish Punk Look By The Lesbian- I can NEVER remember her name, but I know three things. I wouldn’t want to get in a fight with her. I wouldn’t want to get on a motorcycle with her. And I wouldn’t want to wear a red plaid skirt like her.

13) Dia- She better win.

14) The Rocker Dude Whose Name I Can Never Remember Either– Here’s a clue, lose the sparkly black ninja headband… it makes you look like a discount version of Brett Michaels and PS that’s never a good thing. Just take a tip from the other bald person on the show and wear a red Scottish plaid skirt. (See Above)

15) Blake Shelton’s “That’s What She Said” Joke On National Television– I’m not a fan of country, but I am liking him more and more and more and more…

If you don’t watch The Voice please disregard.

The Voice=Awesome.

27 Apr

So last night I switched back to¬†the “real world”¬†watching network television, and veered¬†away from my pampered cable lifestyle. And it was worth it! (I haven’t watched a competition series since the 200th season of Survivor graced us¬†with its presence…again).

Last night I watched The Voice on NBC and it totally rocked my…ears. ūüėȬ†If you didn’t see it, don’t worry there is an encore of it tonight at 9/8c and you will be glad for once¬†that¬†something on TV¬†is the length of¬†a feature film. First off, Adam Levine is smoking hot (that’s all you need right?), Christina Aguilera was normal, coming off her pedastal and becoming accessible (plus she¬†really hung with the guys), Blake Shelton totally won me over as a nice guy and not as “cuntree” as I once thought (I still have less than positive things to say about his fiance, but that is another post), and Cee Lo Green… his sparkly whites were enough to get me smilin’.

I think Blake got the best people on his team overall. But The Voice was like a really, really, really, really, really, really, really¬†refreshing American Idol.¬†There were only good singers (my ears¬†thank you NBC)¬†and no pill-popping Paula’s, no Simon slams, no “dawg’s” anywhere in sight. And above all no Ryan Seacrests!! Carson Daly is host, proving that hosting really is his gift from the universe and it was good to see him fulfilling his mindless chattering destiny.

¬†I totally recommend catching the encore tonight and you can¬†thank me later ūüôā

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