Tag Archives: Iphone

Hola Javier! Adios iPhone :(

17 Jan

After 6 trips to Vodafone… AKA hell on earth, 3 trips to sketchy Chinese shops…AKA phone hacker ninjas,  and one virgin scooter experience. I found that a) I have as much control over my head in a 10 lb helmet as a bobble doll (as I clanked heads with my friend and driver, Cristina, the entire 5 minute jaunt…that felt like 5 days… whilst I clutched her waist, tried to peer past the mass of hair glued to my face by anxiety ridden sweat and the infinite snug-ness of my Power Ranger inspired helmet, and attempted to pretend I was on a horse… “squeeze with your legs!”  I wish I had a friggin picture for the grandkids)  b) I am not meant to have a phone in this country and c) I am ENTIRELY too reliant on this thing called technology.

After surviving the scooter, my daily appearance at Vodafone, and two failed attempts at a Chinese-English-Spanish trifecta of language babble I found the holy grail of phone magicians in the form a Chin-Span speaking Asian boy with two moles on his face protruding a SOLID… and highly distracting… two inches of black pubic- esque hair.

We shall call him Javier.

After my initial excitement at the fact that my phone worked on 3G not just wi-fi coupled with Javier’s confidence that it would work, as well as the possibility of making a real live phone call I was suddenly horrified when plugging in my iPhone to my iTunes and finding… nothing. Nada. Blank screen. Alotta gray. And alotta messages saying neither my two sim cards existed.

Enter the smelling salts.

No, ok I didn’t pass out, but panic ensued and there is still a twinge of overwhelming and debilitating fear. It’s a fear similar to what I would imagine comes with being mugged or how I personally feel when there is no milk and I have already poured a bowl of delicious Lucky Charms.

Complete. Torture.

But why!?!?!

We are so turned on all the time that I think technology is becoming another of the senses. It’s the sixth sense… the cellular sense. If I don’t have a phone to check, something to post on Facebook, or a new YouTube video to watch, my life just isn’t complete. But it should be. I’m in one of the greatest cities in the world and I’m worried about being able to whatsapp my friends at home and check out the newest posts. I came here to live in the moment and I think this is a prime example that our generation doesn’t know how to live in the moment because we are too tuned into recording and sharing the moment. We want to be connected with the world so bad that we forget we are IN the world.

Regardless of my “aha” moment I still want my phone like I would imagine most prostitutes want their crack…

Javier, I will see you and your mole hair tomorrow!

“Your Iphone battery can die quicker than the hot girl in a horror movie.”

7 Dec

So Christmas is coming… in case you hadn’t been bitch slapped in the face with tinsel, ornaments, and jingle jingle bells yet. Which is impossible… unless you have a secret I don’t know about!!

However, many of you need to get on the cleaning up the Facebook profiles and underwear drawers for Santa’s pending visit. But in case you are leaning on the nice half of Santa’s list, or are naughty and need to buy something to make up for it, or are perplexed with one difficult recipient, I have found the holy grail of gifts!!

Thank you thank you… actually we should be thanking Pinterest… but more on that treasure chest of effective time waste management later.

Most people have an Iphone. We all know someone with one, and I think the most common thing I hear from Iphone users is “Damn it Autocorrect!!!” But the second most common thing I hear about Iphone’s is “Hey, you suck at Words with Friends and you have an Iphone right?…Wanna play??” But the third most common thing I hear about Iphone’s is “My phone is about to die!!”  This is most likely because people don’t want to talk to me… or because Iphone batteries suck.

I’ll pretend it’s the latter.

Soooo check out this little tidbit of fantastic…an Iphone key chain charger… specifically called the Juice Pack Reserve (from Mophie)… it’s under $50… way under $50… $35 to be exact… and I stole the blog title from the reviews… so if anything I’m providing you solid penmanship.

Why I didn’t think of it, is a travesty… but nonetheless, I have no shame in promoting the hell out of it.


Merry Christmas… and now there’s no excuse for your phone “dying”…… ya whatever. 😉

I AM Darth Vader… In my dreams.

28 Oct

So if you have an Iphone (you are a genius) or a Droid (eh, you’re ok too). But then you know about the power of the App revolution and how it can change your life (or control your life.) One of the most life changing of all the Apps due to my personal and completely irrational fear of ACTUALLY speaking directly to people is Heytell (which I think has only been available on the IPhone’s and Droids). Basically it’s like voice texting… or a walkie talkie of sorts… and you can even partake internationally. I know. AHHHMazing!

But I would like to take it a step further.

Be prepared to be blown away and for the love of all that is techie… please steal my awesome idea and make this happen…or if it already exists I need the details!!

I think that for the Heytell app there needs to be a voice setting. This could also be applicable to the voice recording option to create lists and remind yourself of things and possibly the alarm clock.

When I say voice setting, I don’t mean a stupid voice setting…. like where you can make yourself sound like your average run-of-the-mill serial killer similar to in the Scream neverending franchise, or baby talk, or valley girl, or ANYTHING stupid and completely predictable like that.

I mean I want the Darth Vader voice option to say “Man, Luke (insert real friends name…unless it really is Luke, which makes the whole concept even more awesome), wasn’t that a crazy night. I was wasted!” Or use the Stewie Griffith option to say “I am plotting your imminent death as we speak. I’ll keep you posted. Let’s go get dinner.” Or perhaps Eddie Murphy that says “Bitch we need milk!” Or have the Austin Powers setting to say “Groovy Baby. What are you gonna wear tonight?”

The possibilities are endless… the humor is infinite…my ideas should envoke someone to give me holiday pay.

Words with Friends: A Game, NOT a Career Move

25 Apr

So I learned about the APP “Words with Friends” this weekend and not only am I addicted, I also learned that I SUCK at Scrabble (Suck might be an understatement).

There is like a permanent disconnect between my brain and any words that are over four letters. Plus, I can’t seem to multitask my wisdom to consider the benefits of triple letters, double words, double anything to use to my advantage (To be fair, I am the girl that struggles with doing ANYTHING simultaneously… walking and chewing gum?? They didn’t ask my opinion when creating the analogy). My strongest play thus far is adding an ‘s’ to all words that my oppenents come up with, stealing their thunder and leaving them with a brick wall for their next move. Insert evil laugh: Bwahahahaha. 😉

If there was a short bus for unjumbling words and making them coherent I would be the driver. What do you mean that JARLY isn’t a word??!?! This complex problem was first noticed when I tried to test into honors Kindergarten and failed miserably after 30 minutes of trying to put together a 10 piece puzzle only to realize when time was up that the missing piece was 6 inches out of my eye shot. EPIC FAIL… it has haunted me ever since and I hold complete disdain for puzzles to this day.

So if anyone is looking for an ego boost be sure to challenge me in a game… my username is LEREIT. You are guaranteed to feel smart after a couple of breeze through wins. And don’t worry I don’t mind losing painfully to everyone I know (I categorize it as brain exercise anyways and due to my low numbers…which would be good for tennis not so good for IQ… apparently I needed the exercise 20 years ago when I was learning how to spell)… I posess the realization that I excel in other strengths… and as soon as there is a charades APP … GAME ON SUCKERS!

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