Baby Bieber

*. Double. Freaking. Facepalm.

So some stupid chick is out there professing to the world that she has birthed Justin Bieber’s bouncing baby. Please hold the applause.

PS I’m OUT if there are any more Bieber’s!!!! It’s worse than a zombie apocalypse.

Of course the crazy lady wants money… why else would you admit to being within 50 ft of Justin Bieber willingly… and HOW wasn’t she blinded by his amazing skills at wearing enormous-billed hats and multi-colored kicks, as well as his lack of chest hair to render her unable to perform?? Impressive.

But hold on one second… I think there is a much more important question that doesn’t seem to be being asked.

No, not if she wore his perfume during the concert leading up to the impregnation, OR if she found out what shampoo he uses, OR if she got free tickets to his 3-d concert movie puke fest extravaganza.

It’s… why isn’t she in jail?!?

Bieber is 17 years old. (as of March… thank you Wikipedia for that little tidbit of VERY NECESSARY information)

The supposed Bieber baby is 4 months.

The conception happened 13 months ago.

The chick is 20.

If you can’t do the math, I’ll spell it out for you.

R-A-P-E. Statutory specifically.

No one is denying the sex…yet… just the egg/embryo combination. HELLLOOOOO double standard. Not the women/men double standard of course. WHAT is that!?!?

I’m obviously referring to the celebrity double standard.

Since when can a recently turned 16-year-old have a one night stand backstage after his sold out billion dollar making concert?? Talk about Magical…awwwwwwww. And still be a role model for every young person on the entire planet! To make matters worse, she was 19…that’s 3 years difference…”Attn. all guests, we are now leaving the land of misdemeanor and entering felony-land. Welcome. We hope you enjoy your stay.”

Also, didn’t his manager just go on record saying Bieber’s balls had recently dropped bringing about a more “mature” less girly vocal experience? (Yeah, I read E! online every 15 minutes… so what??) Don’t you need errr…dropped balls to make a baby??

Which leads us to a MUCH more important question.

Which came first? The balls, or the baby Bieber?